A Full Circle from Stigma to Support

By Kenya Martin

Art by Micah Bazant, Artist in Residence at Forward Together. Concept by Kenya Martin and Jasmine Burnett.

When our children look up at us, they see superheroes. We often work hard to ensure they don’t see our vulnerabilities and that we can keep them from encountering fear and shame for as long as possible.

I wasn’t able to decide for myself when I was ready to have that conversation; her father’s toxic shaming and manipulation didn’t end there. She came home from her weekend visit with him and asked me if it were true that I’d wanted to abort her. Again, the panic set in. I still wasn’t quite ready to talk to her about my abortions, but I decided in spite of my terror that keeping details from her was harming her more than protecting her. So I told her that I did consider having an abortion, that I hadn’t felt ready to be a parent. I took a deep breath and went on. I explained that my parents shamed me out of my decision and refused to give me money for the procedure. I added that I didn’t know her father very well and I was afraid to parent with him. I knew abortion was the best option for me, but I couldn’t get one. And then I reassured her that I loved her so much and I’m glad that she’s here. That moment of honesty taught her she could trust me to always tell her the truth, and always respect her decisions.

I envision a world where our vulnerability and honesty is our superpower…I know that world is possible because being honest and transparent about my abortions with my daughter has proved to be the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done in my life.

His actions to try to shame me had the opposite effect; in my defiance of his expectations and refusal to be shamed, I’ve become proud of my abortions. I’m now comfortable talking about them because there are people who need to hear their decision is right if it’s the right one for them, and that I know from experience. As an abortion counselor, the majority of patients I met were already parents. The insight I gained from those conversations confirmed that so many of us who have abortions don’t talk about them. We don’t tell our friends, we don’t tell our families, and we especially don’t tell our children. My work introduced me to countless young people who were navigating through secrecy and fear to get abortion services without their parents knowing. I’ve even talked to the parents of patients who shared their own personal abortion stories with me, followed by the assertion they’d never tell the patient, their child, about their abortion. I often felt moved to share what my experience talking to my daughter was like and how it deepened the trust in our relationship.

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The National Network of Abortion Funds is a network of organizations that are funding abortion and building power to fight for cultural & political change.

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NNAF

The National Network of Abortion Funds is a network of organizations that are funding abortion and building power to fight for cultural & political change.